I am obsessed with food. If a Genie popped out of a bottle right now, I would wish for a dinner at an all-you-can eat place for my sons and I, and the opportunity to go to ALDI and fill my grocery cart to the brim. At the buffet, I would stuff myself until my stomach hurt. At ALDI, I would select items without consulting the price and keeping that constant total in my head, having to stop when I reached my limit. I'm guessing the total cost of dinner to be about $30.00 and the full shopping cart, $70.00. Not a great deal in the grand scheme of things.
I go to our local grocery store on an almost daily basis to check the discounted meat and dairy at-code specials. If there isn't a 99 cent deal on a package of ground turkey or other meat, I leave empty-handed. But not before I have a chance to observe other people shopping and filling their carts. I look at what people are buying with a kind of sick fascination. I feel like a Peeping Tom as I contemplate the items in their carts. At the check-out, I wait to hear the final total on the purchases and get some of strange pleasure in hearing the really high totals over a hundred dollars. Oh, to be able to spend that amount on a cart full of groceries like I used to in the old days...
In a recent book I read, the main character decides what to fix as a light summer dinner coming up with egg salad and cucumber salad with iced tea. I drooled at that menu and added to it, a ripe, juicy tomato, maybe a fresh ear of corn. The seasonal fruits and vegetables are what I am missing most now. The thought of canned green beans leaves me cold. I think about frying up some new red potatoes and making a beet salad. To have to pass up the packages of blueberries and the nectarines almost makes me cry. I circle the produce section with my empty cart and watch the people select their tomatoes, strawberries and carrots.
I dream about going to one of our local farm stands and inhaling the smells of the produce. Or going into a bakery for the same sensations. I pass by a Dairy Queen and dream of an icy cold Blizzard or cone. This has been a Blizzard free summer. A pizza commercial airs and I dream of buying an entire pizza for each of us and not caring if there are any leftovers - a real fresh pizza, not the frozen ones I once in a while pick up as a treat. Once I even had the fantasy of getting a dozen Dunkin' Donuts and scarfing them down myself - and not worrying in the least about calories or high blood pressure.
My focus is on feeding my boys and doing the best for them. Sometimes that has meant that I've gone without or been the one eating a pb & j for dinner. I don't mind. It just has been catching up with me where I feel a bit hungry on some days and craving foods not in the pantry.
Friday, August 13, 2010
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Nothing Left to Cut
I have come across a couple of articles about people in debt and their plans for digging themselves out. The latest was in O Magazine with Suzy Orman as the financial advisor. One of the main advice given is to cut out all extras and luxuries. In this case, the family cut out vacations, cable, buying books and magazines. Other expenses that can go would be take-out dinners, pedicures/beauty appointments and trading in high end vehicles. In some of the articles I've read, the families seem to really struggle with all of this, especially losing the cable with the rationalization that if vacations have to be given up, at least cable should still be maintained.
I would like to read an article geared more to my current financial level. An unemployed, widowed mom trying to survive having already cut out all the extras. We haven't had cable or a vacation in six years. There haven't been new clothes or even Christmas gifts the past two years. So what do people like me cut out or cut back on when they've already cut everything to the bone? When I am using up my supply of hotel sample soaps because I can't affor my facial cleanser? That is the question I'd like to ask of Suzy Orman or Mary Hunt.
I find myself having a hard time relating to these families portrayed in these articles. They are not poor enough - there is still some disposable income available. And in the end they all are able to avoid bankruptcy. I want to read about a family that can't dig themselves out - that like me does laundry only two times a month because they can't afford the $3.00 a load cost. A family that like me has to supplement their food budget with castoffs from the food pantry.
Do you know why I think the financial advisors stay around from those of us hovering at the poverty level? Because there isn't any advice they can really give us - because we have sunk too low to be able to dig ourselves out.
I would like to read an article geared more to my current financial level. An unemployed, widowed mom trying to survive having already cut out all the extras. We haven't had cable or a vacation in six years. There haven't been new clothes or even Christmas gifts the past two years. So what do people like me cut out or cut back on when they've already cut everything to the bone? When I am using up my supply of hotel sample soaps because I can't affor my facial cleanser? That is the question I'd like to ask of Suzy Orman or Mary Hunt.
I find myself having a hard time relating to these families portrayed in these articles. They are not poor enough - there is still some disposable income available. And in the end they all are able to avoid bankruptcy. I want to read about a family that can't dig themselves out - that like me does laundry only two times a month because they can't afford the $3.00 a load cost. A family that like me has to supplement their food budget with castoffs from the food pantry.
Do you know why I think the financial advisors stay around from those of us hovering at the poverty level? Because there isn't any advice they can really give us - because we have sunk too low to be able to dig ourselves out.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Bare to the Bone
I am trying to be hopeful and positive but I tell you, it is very difficult for me while I struggle to put food on the table for my boys. I wouldn't really care if it was just me. I figure I can survive on pretty meager portions. I'd probably be able to make it on only $20.00 a week if it came to that. A carton of eggs, a couple cans of baked beans, milk, soup, bread, noodles, a little cheese, tuna, maybe some ground turkey for chili. I'd cook up a pot of split pea or black bean soup and have toast and eggs and parmesan noodles. But the boys need more meat and dairy than I do and fresh fruit and veggies. They also need more of a variety. I can eat peanut butter sandwiches numerous times throughout the week, but they get quickly tired of them.
Sometimes the boys guzzle down a carton of milk in just a day. They are so active in sports, I know they get hungry. The stuff we get at the food pantry is all carbs - rice, noodles, pancake mix, canned fruit - rarely any meat or fresh items. That's what the boys need right now. Sandwiches full of good ham and turkey, cheese, lettuce and tomato instead of off-brand mac & cheese accompanied by canned peaches.
We don't qualify for food stamps - we're only $300.00 above the income requirement. But I still can't afford food, and the food from the pantries I go to doesn't provide enough for us to get through the month. So I don't know what happens to people like us. Food stamps would be such a blessing because I could use that assistance to get the fresh food items not available at the pantries. Even $50.00 for that a month would be a Godsend.
We've cut our budget to the bone. I don't think there is anything left to cut. We don't eat out. The only meat I buy is what is discounted to 99 cents because it is at the end of code. Almost all the milk and dairy products I buy are also discounted because they are at their expiration. I get bread the same way for 50 cents a loaf, although usually I get a couple loaves from the pantries. I've resorted to making off-brand drink mix in place of soda. Once in a while we get a litre because we miss it - we were all heavy diet soda drinkers in the past. ALDI sells soda litres for 59 cents but only have lemon lime in diet. We're diet pepsi lovers.
This summer the boys never had a Gatorade for their many sporting events - just tap water. I felt bad about this because they played football and baseball in some mighty hot and humid weather. And even last summer we were able to afford a few sports drinks during their games. No treats unless we get lucky at the pantry and receive a bag of cookies (usually oatmeal, although we crave chocolate chip).
I have promised myself that when my situation improves I will make donations to the food pantry. But I will donate gift cards for $10-$20 dollars so the recipients can choose their own food. Or I will donate boquets of fresh flowers or bags of M & Ms. Something nice and decedant. So many times this past month I have craved something chocolate and just have that bag of oatmeal cookies to dig into. People struggling need a treat too instead of those blasted boxes of mashed potatoes and big bags of lentil beans. The thought of mac & cheese from a box makes me gag.
Sometimes the boys guzzle down a carton of milk in just a day. They are so active in sports, I know they get hungry. The stuff we get at the food pantry is all carbs - rice, noodles, pancake mix, canned fruit - rarely any meat or fresh items. That's what the boys need right now. Sandwiches full of good ham and turkey, cheese, lettuce and tomato instead of off-brand mac & cheese accompanied by canned peaches.
We don't qualify for food stamps - we're only $300.00 above the income requirement. But I still can't afford food, and the food from the pantries I go to doesn't provide enough for us to get through the month. So I don't know what happens to people like us. Food stamps would be such a blessing because I could use that assistance to get the fresh food items not available at the pantries. Even $50.00 for that a month would be a Godsend.
We've cut our budget to the bone. I don't think there is anything left to cut. We don't eat out. The only meat I buy is what is discounted to 99 cents because it is at the end of code. Almost all the milk and dairy products I buy are also discounted because they are at their expiration. I get bread the same way for 50 cents a loaf, although usually I get a couple loaves from the pantries. I've resorted to making off-brand drink mix in place of soda. Once in a while we get a litre because we miss it - we were all heavy diet soda drinkers in the past. ALDI sells soda litres for 59 cents but only have lemon lime in diet. We're diet pepsi lovers.
This summer the boys never had a Gatorade for their many sporting events - just tap water. I felt bad about this because they played football and baseball in some mighty hot and humid weather. And even last summer we were able to afford a few sports drinks during their games. No treats unless we get lucky at the pantry and receive a bag of cookies (usually oatmeal, although we crave chocolate chip).
I have promised myself that when my situation improves I will make donations to the food pantry. But I will donate gift cards for $10-$20 dollars so the recipients can choose their own food. Or I will donate boquets of fresh flowers or bags of M & Ms. Something nice and decedant. So many times this past month I have craved something chocolate and just have that bag of oatmeal cookies to dig into. People struggling need a treat too instead of those blasted boxes of mashed potatoes and big bags of lentil beans. The thought of mac & cheese from a box makes me gag.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Not Being Able to Catch Up!
I can't seem to get ahead. Every month a new unexpected expense or two creeps up on me and catches me off guard. It started in April with the H & R tax preparation service fee ($349), prom costs (tux rental, flowers, post party tickets - $200), the van needing to be repaired ($400) and if that weren't enough, car insurance was also due ($200). That is over $1,000! The only way I managed the month of April was to re-juggle all that was due, paying the car insurance and repair in installments.
I still wasn't caught up in May. And then I was hit with the $166 needed for my youngest son's driver's ed fee. He'd been on a waiting list and I was figuring the payment wouldn't be due until mid-summer. There went the payment I was supposed to make for the van repair. Then the school wanted me to pay my son's school fees of $99 which I'd planned on paying in June in order to process his driver's ed fee - he couldn't be overdue on any prior fees or they'd drop his spot in the class. So, again I had to juggle payments and write postdated checks. It gets confusing and tiring to come up with alternatives and work out arrangements. And I still owed for a past due month on the electric bill so came up with payment arrangements for that too.
Now June comes. And my fingers were crossed that I could catch up a little and breathe a sigh of relief. But I owed $179 in school fees that needed to be paid by the end of the school year. And now my oldest has a summer club volleyball fee of $289. And he needs new volleyball shoes, baseball spikes and football spikes! My youngest is going to wear his old soccer shoes for football camp over the summer. And he can also wear his brother's old baseball spikes. Then there is the nominal fee ($50 reduced for each boy for football camp). In the past, the nice lady in the school's athletic office has been kind and allowed me to postdate checks, which is becoming the story of my life. My oldest told me he has a friend who offered to sell him a pair of football spikes he didn't use for $30. I told my son to try them on and see if they fit because that would be a huge help to us, as spikes cost anywhere from $70 - $100.
This volleyball season, my son wore shoes that he crazy glued. As tough as it is to scrape together that $289, college scouts do view the boys playing with the club and there is some hope that my son may receive a college scholarship for volleyball. so I guess I am saying it is an expense that needs to be sacrificed for. My son has already been named as a team captain for the volleyball team next year.
Hopefully, I'll only have to figure out how to afford the baseball and volleyball shoes. In the meantime, I am still juggling postdated checks for the volleyball camp and I'll have to make another payment for the van repair with my next check. I can't hold out any longer. It'll be a very tight month for us - and it'll be a stretch to get through the final two weeks with groceries and gas.
I just want a little breathing room. To know that bills aren't weighing so heavily on me.
I still wasn't caught up in May. And then I was hit with the $166 needed for my youngest son's driver's ed fee. He'd been on a waiting list and I was figuring the payment wouldn't be due until mid-summer. There went the payment I was supposed to make for the van repair. Then the school wanted me to pay my son's school fees of $99 which I'd planned on paying in June in order to process his driver's ed fee - he couldn't be overdue on any prior fees or they'd drop his spot in the class. So, again I had to juggle payments and write postdated checks. It gets confusing and tiring to come up with alternatives and work out arrangements. And I still owed for a past due month on the electric bill so came up with payment arrangements for that too.
Now June comes. And my fingers were crossed that I could catch up a little and breathe a sigh of relief. But I owed $179 in school fees that needed to be paid by the end of the school year. And now my oldest has a summer club volleyball fee of $289. And he needs new volleyball shoes, baseball spikes and football spikes! My youngest is going to wear his old soccer shoes for football camp over the summer. And he can also wear his brother's old baseball spikes. Then there is the nominal fee ($50 reduced for each boy for football camp). In the past, the nice lady in the school's athletic office has been kind and allowed me to postdate checks, which is becoming the story of my life. My oldest told me he has a friend who offered to sell him a pair of football spikes he didn't use for $30. I told my son to try them on and see if they fit because that would be a huge help to us, as spikes cost anywhere from $70 - $100.
This volleyball season, my son wore shoes that he crazy glued. As tough as it is to scrape together that $289, college scouts do view the boys playing with the club and there is some hope that my son may receive a college scholarship for volleyball. so I guess I am saying it is an expense that needs to be sacrificed for. My son has already been named as a team captain for the volleyball team next year.
Hopefully, I'll only have to figure out how to afford the baseball and volleyball shoes. In the meantime, I am still juggling postdated checks for the volleyball camp and I'll have to make another payment for the van repair with my next check. I can't hold out any longer. It'll be a very tight month for us - and it'll be a stretch to get through the final two weeks with groceries and gas.
I just want a little breathing room. To know that bills aren't weighing so heavily on me.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Needing and Wanting
The spring clothing catalogs and the recent onslaught of t.v. and print Easter ads have gotten to me. I have suddenly felt lacking.
- Need a hair cut and styling - it's been four months since my last one
- Desperately need new glasses - my current ones are going on six years old (outdated and worn)
- Haven't gone clothes shopping in years - everything in my wardrobe seems tired, baggy and old
- Will need a pedicure when I start wearing open toed shoes again - my last one was six months ago
- Only "vacation" in seven years was five days in Michigan
Maybe it is just that it is springtime again when we all feel as though we want to be renewed and refreshed. Just to add a little perk up to our wardrobes and lives. To be eagerly planning a trip somewhere to see new sights and unwind.
The boys are complaining that they have outgrown all their shorts from last spring/summer. I won't have any available funds to go to Plato's Closet with them until May 1st so we all have to hold out until then.
I know my feelings of want will dissipate eventually. The first focus is to get the boys what they need. My poor oldest has hot glued the sole of one of his volleyball shoes and I looked at him play last week relieved that it was holding up because I don't have the funds for shoes right now either.
Owe -
- $349.00 to H & R Block for tax preparation
- Two sets of car insurance are due on the 15th and it'll be a very tight squeeze to make them both - I might have to call my agent and see if there is any way to postpone one payment until the 20th when I'll be paid again
- Prom is at the end of the month and I'll need to get a wrist corsage for my son's girlfriend and tux rental for him
I look at the list of items I wish for. Most are needs I think (haircut, pedicure during the summer months, clothes for the boys, prom stuff). Or is a haircut or pedicure really essential? I mean they make us feel more presentable and attractive but polish on my toes isn't a requirement. I suppose as long as we have food, shelter and clothing of some sort everything else is unnecessary. But if that is the case then no one would be buying anything such as Easter candy, backyard pools, magazines at the checkout counter, cosmetics, energy drinks, and so on. What is it when you have a huge craving for cheap Chinese takeout from someplace you know and love? If there are leftovers in the fridge does that mean the dinner treat is a no go? Gosh, would I like to go on a vacation someplace, anyplace. Not necessary in anyone's life but what a difference a few days away with some pampering can do!
Since having to struggle financially the past two years, I contemplate these questions. We certainly go without far more than treating ourselves. Where do you draw the line between needs and wants? Maybe it is a balance between being more aware and conscious about the buying decisions we make in our lives. The other day, I reluctantly picked up Taco Bell for dinner. It was 7:00 p.m., I was tired and still on the road. I picked the cheapest fast food place out there and accepted that what I'd planned to make that night would wait until the next day. I was in a bind and had to rely on a quick fix out.
In my old life, I wouldn't have given a second thought to picking up a fast food dinner. And I treated myself to a manicure, pedicure and hair coloring every month at the salon, going in at the two-week mark for a polish touch-up. And every season I'd make a trip to Talbot's to update my wardrobe. Now that's one way of life vs. how we're living now where I weigh every purchase!
I can do without new clothes myself now but it doesn't stop me from looking through the L.L. Bean catalog and spying a cute outfit that catches my attention and then wanting it. Prioritizing will mean that I'll get myself new glasses first because those are worn everyday and a new pair would really give me a lift. In the meantime, I'll keep doing without where I can. There isn't another option. When there's nothing extra, there's nothing extra. So a haircut has to wait until May as with the pedicure. It is hard waiting but I know next month I'll be so grateful for them I'll be on cloud nine!
- Need a hair cut and styling - it's been four months since my last one
- Desperately need new glasses - my current ones are going on six years old (outdated and worn)
- Haven't gone clothes shopping in years - everything in my wardrobe seems tired, baggy and old
- Will need a pedicure when I start wearing open toed shoes again - my last one was six months ago
- Only "vacation" in seven years was five days in Michigan
Maybe it is just that it is springtime again when we all feel as though we want to be renewed and refreshed. Just to add a little perk up to our wardrobes and lives. To be eagerly planning a trip somewhere to see new sights and unwind.
The boys are complaining that they have outgrown all their shorts from last spring/summer. I won't have any available funds to go to Plato's Closet with them until May 1st so we all have to hold out until then.
I know my feelings of want will dissipate eventually. The first focus is to get the boys what they need. My poor oldest has hot glued the sole of one of his volleyball shoes and I looked at him play last week relieved that it was holding up because I don't have the funds for shoes right now either.
Owe -
- $349.00 to H & R Block for tax preparation
- Two sets of car insurance are due on the 15th and it'll be a very tight squeeze to make them both - I might have to call my agent and see if there is any way to postpone one payment until the 20th when I'll be paid again
- Prom is at the end of the month and I'll need to get a wrist corsage for my son's girlfriend and tux rental for him
I look at the list of items I wish for. Most are needs I think (haircut, pedicure during the summer months, clothes for the boys, prom stuff). Or is a haircut or pedicure really essential? I mean they make us feel more presentable and attractive but polish on my toes isn't a requirement. I suppose as long as we have food, shelter and clothing of some sort everything else is unnecessary. But if that is the case then no one would be buying anything such as Easter candy, backyard pools, magazines at the checkout counter, cosmetics, energy drinks, and so on. What is it when you have a huge craving for cheap Chinese takeout from someplace you know and love? If there are leftovers in the fridge does that mean the dinner treat is a no go? Gosh, would I like to go on a vacation someplace, anyplace. Not necessary in anyone's life but what a difference a few days away with some pampering can do!
Since having to struggle financially the past two years, I contemplate these questions. We certainly go without far more than treating ourselves. Where do you draw the line between needs and wants? Maybe it is a balance between being more aware and conscious about the buying decisions we make in our lives. The other day, I reluctantly picked up Taco Bell for dinner. It was 7:00 p.m., I was tired and still on the road. I picked the cheapest fast food place out there and accepted that what I'd planned to make that night would wait until the next day. I was in a bind and had to rely on a quick fix out.
In my old life, I wouldn't have given a second thought to picking up a fast food dinner. And I treated myself to a manicure, pedicure and hair coloring every month at the salon, going in at the two-week mark for a polish touch-up. And every season I'd make a trip to Talbot's to update my wardrobe. Now that's one way of life vs. how we're living now where I weigh every purchase!
I can do without new clothes myself now but it doesn't stop me from looking through the L.L. Bean catalog and spying a cute outfit that catches my attention and then wanting it. Prioritizing will mean that I'll get myself new glasses first because those are worn everyday and a new pair would really give me a lift. In the meantime, I'll keep doing without where I can. There isn't another option. When there's nothing extra, there's nothing extra. So a haircut has to wait until May as with the pedicure. It is hard waiting but I know next month I'll be so grateful for them I'll be on cloud nine!
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